Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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