my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
