Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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