Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
