Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
