i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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