i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
