Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
