I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
