That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
