I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
