every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize