It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
