Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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