i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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