I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
