and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
