Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
