she's into porn, im staying here tonight
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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