I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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