Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize