I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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