you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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