I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
