if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
