We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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