We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
