two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
