i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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