He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
