I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize