sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just found puke in my bra..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
