I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
