just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize