Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
