oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
