Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
