Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
