we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
