Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
