Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
