I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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