We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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