Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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