im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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