Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
