toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize