i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
