My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
