I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
