I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
