i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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