1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
