So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
