it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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