sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
