I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
