i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
