so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
