I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
