Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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