I am in a vortex of obligation.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
