When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
