I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
