We won't sleep together?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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