i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
