can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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