Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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