she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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