Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
