I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
