Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
