that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My pussy is not your playground.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
