I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
