would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
