maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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