I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
