I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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