Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
soo... how was my night?
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