a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
