smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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