OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
