I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
