Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
