i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
