you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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