no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize