i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
