I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
