Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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