I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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