thus making me awesome and them whores
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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