Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
