Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
