He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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