I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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