Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
