Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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