Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
