so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
