The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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