so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
