i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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