never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
