it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
