you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
