just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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