Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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